How Your Insecurities Are Keeping You Stuck In a Broke Mindset
Nobody is exempt from having financial struggles. We somehow blame others or want to put the responsibility on being broke and being poor on people or something outside of ourselves, when the reality is that most of our inability to feel financially resourced lies within ourselves.
If we take a closer look, the reasons in which we may not have the best relationship with our money, or we may be struggling with our finances, or we may feel further behind than we should be, is perhaps looking at your insecurities and how your insecurities play a role in you not being as financially ahead as you would like.
And our insecurities play such a big role in this because we live in a social system that places so much emphasis on having certain things to feel successful or to be successful. There is so much pressure on us to be something that we're not and to have certain things and to be in possession of things that are going to make us feel happier and fulfilled. And if we don’t meet the requirements we feel inadequate. This inadequcy can create a self-fulfilling prophecy of needing things outside of ourselves to cover up the insecurities that lie deep within.
The Insecurities Rooted In Our Lived Experiences
Everyone harbors unique insecurities, often rooted in negative experiences that, if left unchecked, can solidify into limiting beliefs. For me, much of my early insecurity revolved around my body and appearance. I was frequently teased and bullied in school, particularly due to my weight. Being a heavier child made me feel vulnerable to judgment and rejection, especially from boys. I vividly remember feeling overlooked in favor of girls who fit conventional beauty standards - fair-skinned, slender, conventionally pretty.
Statistics from The National Organization for Women echo the widespread prevalence of body image concerns among young girls. During adolescence, a time of significant physical changes and heightened self-awareness, my own insecurities peaked. Interestingly, as societal ideals shifted, attributes like a curvier figure, more prominent in my cultural community, gained desirability. Yet, my focus shifted to other perceived flaws, like facial blemishes and dissatisfaction with my hair.
Today, I've come to understand my skin's sensitivity and my unique hair texture as unique genetic traits. However, back then a combination of these insecurities drove me to irresponsibly spend. After a year of working my first part-time job at Tim Hortons throughout high school, my father (an accountant), showed me the figures for making $20,000 that year. To my surprise, I had nothing to show for it. I would then get a scolding for not saving enough, even though I was never taught exactly how and what the importance of saving was. Instead, I became rebellious and justified my spending, instead of looking deeper at why all of that $20,000 went into synthetic weaves, makeup, and clothes. My lack of financial literacy compounded my spending, exacerbated by a desire to remedy perceived inadequacies through purchases.
Reflecting on missed opportunities, I realize the potential impact of responsible financial habits. Saving even a portion of my earnings could have alleviated future financial burdens, such as university tuition. On average, tuition and fees for four years at a public university in the United States can range from around $40,000 to $100,000. Personally, my undergraduate degree in Canada costed around $25,000 CAD back in 2018, so my non-existent savings easily could’ve covered it.
However, my insecurities clouded my judgment, prioritizing short-term fixes over long-term stability. It's a sobering realization that regardless of the specific insecurity, it can influence spending habits and hinder financial growth. Status was more important to me than my financial health. And at the time because I didn’t see the importance of my finances for future goals, I spent it on other things to patch up these insecurities instead.
It was only until I started to work on loving myself more no matter what shape I was and without makeup on, that my relationship with money began to shift. Especially when I began to invest in University, I realized just how much power my money had when I could have it work for itself. This is when my financial habits began to shift and I began prioritizing my savings to ultimately build wealth and have my money work for me in the long term. It’s a two-way street you see. Getting clear on what your insecurities are and why you have them, is equally as important as knowing what your financial goals are and why you want them. Where the two intersect can be a beautiful opportunity for improvement and financial transformation.
The Insecurities Created From Limiting Beliefs
Now there are external insecurities that manifest because of things we want outside of ourselves that we are told to have but can’t or find hard to obtain or because of how we look. However, there are insecurities that we have that have nothing really to do with the above but how we see the world and how we frame things. A better way to say it is our poor mindset.
Now our mindset is an accumulation of these negative lived experiences and thoughts we have over time. A negative thought repeatedly becomes a fixed belief set that we have about ourselves and the world. So when I am told through my experience many times that I am ugly and overweight, I will begin to believe that I am ugly and overweight. Then because of this belief that I am ugly and overweight, I will be fearful to go after certain things because of this insecurity I have. There is a sense of fear around failure and success because one fear tells you you’re not good enough and the other tells you that fixing your insecurities will create more responsibilities and place even more pressure to maintain that standard.
The interesting thing about these limiting beliefs though, is that it’s completely irrational. If anything it’s a safety response from the brain to protect you from getting hurt again. Your mind is trying to protect you from having to feel those negative sensations of shame, guilt, and isolation. However, a healthy response would be to reframe these limiting beliefs about yourself and the world into empowering beliefs that give you the motivation to put your best foot forward and achieve your goals. Despite the unavoidable option of making mistakes along the way.
I truly had this limiting belief that if I didn’t wear makeup, I wouldn’t be seen as pretty because I was told by society that acne was ugly and was often rejected by boys as a child for being considered ugly and overweight. I would get up hours before school, to plaster my face with makeup and even sometimes show up late. Even into my adulthood I carried that shame with me and used makeup, throwing up my meals, and unhealthy dieting to feel better about myself and maintain a standard of beauty that was unattainable.
It wasn’t until I did deeper self-esteem work that I realized that I would never be accepted and could never be accepted by everyone because it’s an impossible task to achieve and not a healthy one. We shouldn’t strive to be like others but to be better versions of ourselves. I empowered myself to realize that no matter what I looked like on the outside or did, my worth would come from within. That I was beautiful with or without makeup, and that someone who truly loves me will accept me as is and see beyond the superficial aspects of ourselves that fade away with time. I started to find beauty in people who looked similar to me and in people who celebrated my beauty as is.
Eventually, I became so confident in my looks that I no longer needed to wear makeup to feel pretty. This drastically, changed my relationship with my spending as I began to shift my spending into areas that were more important to me. It didn’t mean that I completely let myself go and didn’t take good care of myself, it just meant that I didn’t need to spend as much money accentuating features that were already fine or were just going through their phases i.e. weight gain or breakouts. If anything it made me feel more real, for having these experiences and not letting them define my worth and what I was capable of. It took time to undo the limiting beliefs that entrapped me in a negative cycle of spending and questioning my self-worth but it was worth it.
Undoing these limiting beliefs is a journey fraught with challenges. The fear of change often outweighs the promise of growth, trapping us in stagnation. Many suppress their passions due to self-doubt, fearing criticism or inadequacy. Reflecting on my own journey, I wonder where I'd be if I hadn't pursued my calling.
Our beliefs, often inherited from upbringing and societal norms, shape our perceptions. Unraveling these ingrained beliefs requires courage and introspection. It's a process of self-discovery, shedding layers of conditioning to reveal our true selves.
Sometimes I wonder where I’d be if I didn’t decide to help people with their finances. If I thought that I didn’t know enough or that people wouldn’t like me. I’d probably be in a job I wasn’t happy in and limiting myself to what greater version of myself I could become. A leading holistic wealth coach, empowering others to live wealthy and well lives. healing their relationship with money, so they can ultimately heal their relationship with themselves. It is the greatest gift I could’ve ever given myself, and it makes me wonder how many other people are limiting their gifts due to their own limited beliefs about themselves. You are not your experiences, and when you realize that everyone else’s projections of you are only their opinion and not reality - you free yourself of the burdens of others’ expectations of who you have to be and become.
Not only are limiting beliefs tied back to negative lived experiences but also based on the programming around us from our parents and institutions. Take religion, for example. I grew up Christian, but that’s only because my parents were Christian. My parents informed me of what I was to believe in and if I didn’t conform, I would be shunned and isolated but I also had an inherent trust in them to keep me safe. As a child, you need others to think for you until you gain the ability to think for yourself. So to gain love and acceptance from them I conformed and believed what they wanted me to believe…until I got older and was able to think for myself. It was then that I realized that there were other religions that preached similar ideologies and felt more in alignment with my values than Christianity ever did. I soon realized that the only reason I was Christian was because my parents were and if I had Muslim parents or Buddhist parents, I would’ve been Muslim or Buddhist instead. My religion was programmed.
This shows you a great example of how our beliefs are birthed and reinforced from a young. Imagine how many beliefs you have today that were engrained in you because of society, institutions, and your parents or loved ones. Not because you chose to believe in them but because they were given to you and to feel accepted by your loved ones and peers you had to embody or emulate them.
Many of our beliefs around money come from these same sources of religion or common views on life. Beliefs like money are evil and money is hard to come by are limiting beliefs that keep you distanced from having a healthy relationship with money more than anything. How can you attract what you hate? Why would you want something that energetically your body is repulsed of? You wouldn’t eat food you dislike, even if somebody forced you right? You have to have an openness to trying new things. The same goes for your finances.
So a part of our healing work around our limiting beliefs and insecurities is to undo the programming. Undo what was told of us, and decide for yourself who you truly are and want to become. You can build wealth, have a healthy marriage, and feel mentally good. If others who look like you and have a similar background or common experience can have it, you can too. And yes, it might be scary and very hard to imagine. You’ll have to stop playing small and empower yourself to be bigger. To trust and believe that you are worthy of living a life worth living for.
It's a journey towards emotional freedom and self-acceptance, where our inner transformation radiates outward, enriching every facet of our lives.
The Insecurities Created By Society and Manipulative Marketing
For marketing to work, for businesses to succeed they have to sell to our insecurities.
The question lies in whether you are willing to play a part in their games and be manipulated into making spending decisions that will set you back instead of ahead. The majority of the time, our spending decisions push us further back and spiral us back into a state of victimhood and helplessness around our ability to be financially well, when we are spending it on things out of alignment with our goals and values.
When we have more faith in propaganda to make us happier than ourselves, through purchasing the latest car or clothing item, we will eventually fall short of the happiness we are truly after. As we drain our pockets of things that could’ve otherwise gone to something more valuable and could instead bring lasting forms of happiness.
This isn’t to shame you either into the fact that everything we purchase is because we were manipulated. Sometimes manipulation can be good. Sometimes certain items or experiences that are marketed to us aren’t dangerous, bad for the environment, and can do us good i.e. organic foods, exercise equipment, mattresses, sustainable and eco-manufactured clothing. They are somewhat enhanced ways to enjoy the necessities.
We need to eat, have transportation, and a roof over our heads. However, we need to be mindful of how society tells us what that should look like before we buy it. Let’s look at a few examples of this and how we can reframe our mindset around some of these basic needs and perhaps even save money while doing it.
Food
We’re told to eat out at fancy restaurants (for status) or just order food on a delivery app (for convenience) even though those experiences are costly and not as healthy and possibly even tasty as cooking a home-cooked meal. This CNET article did a research breakdown of the cost of eating out, delivery, and cooking a similar meal at home and the experiment concluded that you could save up to 50% more by cooking at home.
OK, well how about the fact that eating healthy is expensive? Got you on that one too. Eating healthy is expensive depending on what you are buying. If you are purchasing whole foods, this will always be cheaper than buying healthier food that still is found on a shelf and is highly processed. For someone vegan on and off for the past couple of years, I found I spent the most money at the grocery store buying meat and dairy substitutes than not buying them at all. I don’t regret buying these items, because it was an easier way for me to transition fully into being vegan and it did enhance my meals - but they weren’t necessary. And if anything, probably still just as unhealthy for my body.
Transportation
When it comes to transportation, we look down on public transit because it’s something that “poor” people do and for some people isn’t safe. However, the American Public Transporation Association did a study that showed traveling by public transportation is 10 times safer per mile than traveling by automobile. A person can reduce his or her chance of being in an accident by more than 90% simply by taking public transit instead of commuting by car. Also, not to mention that taking public transportation is better for the environment and even relying on other greener equipment like bicycles or even your feet can tremendously reduce carbon emissions as well as provide the necessary amount of exercise per day to stay healthy.
Housing
This is a big one. I bet you there is or has been a mansion on somebody’s dream board. As humans in natural for us to always want bigger and better. To grow, to aspire to more. However, what’s the true intention behind it? For most people, purchasing a home is an expectation society has placed on us as part of becoming an adult and living that “American dream”. If you own a home, you are established, and successful, and can raise a happy family in a happy home. Although, owning a home can give you a sense of security - why do we focus on having the biggest home possible to have that?
Here lies the paradox in having more, despite it not proving that it will make you happy.
I am not saying you have to settle for something you don’t want, but living in a mansion doesn’t make you more secure than someone living in a tiny house. Having a larger and prettier home buys status (dare I say unhealthy), not security. The same for renting. Most people pay high prices for rent to live in a city, but what’s the point if all your money goes towards your rent or mortgage and you can’t make ends meet?
Since COVID, this is something a lot of people are realizing especially with the rise in work-from-home opportunities. People are realizing they can move to a cheaper town or city, save more, and have more flexibility to raise their kids or invest in other areas of their well-being. Downsizing doesn’t always mean sacrifice, sometimes you give up one thing, to gain much more.
We have seen lots of examples of this, of wealthy people who claim that money does not bring them happiness and that they still struggle with a lot of things internally that lead them to have mental health illnesses, and actually, in really extreme cases, to kill themselves and to commit suicide. Economists Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton argue in a 2010 paper that your day-to-day level of happiness won’t increase once you earn more than $75,000 a year (not accounting for rising costs and inflation). So money can bring happiness to an extent that it alleviates financial struggles if managed correctly, but it does not erase the other life issues that can come into play. Money enhances the person’s state so if you are miserable due to factors outside your finances, more money is not likely to make you any happier.
Quality Over Quantity
So, here's the deal: it's not about drowning in a sea of cash, it's about what you do with what you've got. The quality of your money matters more than the quantity of it (to an extent, right. I mean nobody really can get by on just $10,000 a year).
We all crave that rich, fulfilled feeling that wealth is supposed to promise us. That sense of abundance extends beyond your bank account. But here's the kicker: if you're wrestling with deep-seated insecurities, they could be throwing a wrench in your financial game plan.
Picture this: you're stuck in a cycle of justifying excessive spending while neglecting opportunities to boost your income. Or maybe you're constantly chasing after more money to sustain a lifestyle that will never leave you feeling satisfied. Talk about exhausting! And let's not even get started on the pressure to maintain a certain image, which has driven even the wealthiest to desperate measures.
We're bombarded with messages that scream "luxury equals status," pushing us to covet those five-star vacations, flashy cars, designer labels, and McMansions. But here's the reality check: buying into this societal pressure robs us of our own joy and authenticity.
Comparison truly is the thief of joy. When we measure our worth against someone else's highlight reel, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment. Instead of chasing someone else's version of success, why not define our own? It's time to flip the script, focus on what truly matters, and build a life that reflects our values and aspirations.
Exercise: Review Your Spending
Let's dive into an activity that can shed some light on our spending habits. Take a moment to review your credit card and debit statements from the past month, or better yet, download a budgeting app to track your expenses. Look closely at where your money went, and reflect on the categories that consumed the lion's share of your budget.
Consider how you feel about allocating significant funds to essentials like food, transportation, or housing, as well as indulgences like nails, hair, and makeup. What drives these expenditures? Is it about status, convenience, or simply pleasure? And critically, how do these expenses align with your long-term goals?
These reflections can serve as journal prompts, guiding you to a deeper understanding of your financial priorities. You might discover that certain spending habits are driven by unhealthy impulses—seeking approval, validation, or a fleeting sense of love—rather than genuine joy and fulfillment.
Challenge yourself to identify areas where you could trim expenses to redirect funds towards endeavors that truly enrich your life. If you find yourself hesitant to adjust your spending patterns, consider exploring avenues to boost your income. Remember, it's a delicate balance between cutting back and increasing your earning potential, all while ensuring your overall expenses don't outpace your income.
Think of your financial health as your net worth—the sum of your assets minus liabilities. True wealth lies in cultivating abundance, where your assets outweigh your debts. This principle applies beyond finances, extending to your relationships, health, and overall well-being. Are you investing more than you're expending in these areas? The golden rule remains: strive to have more coming in than going out, fostering a life of abundance and fulfillment.
Redefine Your Version Of Wealth
Reframing your idea around financial wellness will require you to take a serious look at your insecurities, limiting beliefs and societal pressures that create toxic expectations of what you should live up to. Don't set yourself back in life to fall for the illusion of others. You can be wealthy and truly happy, but it requires you to get clear on who you really are and what really is important before you end up chasing someone else’s false ideas of success.
Regardless if you have lots of money or you don't. When you invest in things that aren’t in alignment, they will soon rear their ugly tail. Nothing will make you happy, and you will find it even harder to feel fulfilled. Leading to anxiety, depression, and much more mental distressors that plague the Western world today.
So it all starts within.
The more you heal those insecurities, the weight of the world no longer will feel like such a burden. And you’ll be free to create the life and establish the freedom your true soul desires around your ability to create wealth.
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